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“I see how so much of love is physical attraction, especially at the beginning. It’s not the one I wanted to believe.” In the latest episode of the “This American Life” podcast, Elna Baker discussed her journey of losing 100 pounds only to grow frustrated with the superficial attention she began to attract.
We resist the narrative of physical attraction dictating love, especially inside the walls of the church where we hope to find much more stringent, substantive dating criteria than waist size, but maybe Elna’s onto something.
Love isn’t even given a chance to grow without attraction, and when it seems that godliness is equated with an average BMI, I feel like I’ve lost this game before I even got a chance to play.
Dating is hard enough without having to navigate body issues and the spiritual deficits that come in the pockets of my size 16 jeans.
In the last decade or so, fitness has gone from becoming fit to a culture and a lifestyle.” He says the app works like any other dating app, only the visual experience looks more like Instagram.
“Some of the questions we ask you are your favorite time of day to work out and your average frequency of workouts per week, and behind the scenes we use those calculations to make some guesses about your overall lifestyle and offer good quality options." Obviously attraction and compatability don't work like an equation, so people who work out four times a week shouldn’t match with others solely based on the fact they also work out four times a week.
Dating as an overweight woman is significantly more difficult.
Dating as an overweight Christian woman is seemingly impossible.
That everything that makes me lovable cannot outweigh my weight.
Gluttony, however, only seems to be a sin when it results in displeasing physical appearances.
Often I feel identified by three adjectives, and always in this order: fat, single, Christian.
I see it in the faces of guys I’m meeting for the first time after being matched on e Harmony, even though we’ve exchanged weeks of witty banter and embarrassing confessions.
I hear it in the concerned tones of mentors and parents and friends who repeat phrases like “You’ve got such a pretty face,” and “I know you want to be married someday. ” Every ounce of my being cringes, because they’re probably right. I am talented and opinionated and passionate and valuable.
“What I realized was missing from the experience that I was having was not just finding people with shared interests, but really people with a shared mindset,” Ilani said.